The Night is Liquid

•November 23, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Darkness growing slowly, chasing my every step. The pavement’s wet and covered with car grease. I smell gasoline. It’s 09:15pm. The motel is 2 more blocks from here, I walk steadily clutching the brown paper to my chest. People, cars, people and cars. Sometimes I forget that they are even here. Sometimes, the world forgets that I am here.

Sometimes, I do as well.

It’s the vodka they tell me. It’s the drugs, the pills that you sleep with. It’s you and that filthy old motel room. A giant blackhole right in the middle of this damned city. It pulls you right in and you see nothing but the darkness after that. But it has been home for the past year. Home because no one ever bothered to take me someplace else. Home because, there is nowhere else.

There it is now. All decrepit and peeling paint. Green light shining out into the street. Color of the underworld, a deathly and cold green. Now, there comes a point in time when decisions must be made quickly. To cut or not to cut? To hang? To jump? Think fast because once it’s done, that’s it. No turning back.

Should I cross this street and go inside?

They say that when you’re about to die, you see your entire life flash before your eyes or some shit like that. But I’ve never had much of a life. Seventeen and all I’ve been, all I’ve ever seen are in this very street. Maybe that’s all there is. Beyond it, a great nothingness that has nothing in store for me. A black, liquid of everlasting night. It will swallow you whole.

But I’m not dead yet. I see no flashing memories before me. I am, perhaps, dying. Blood slowly trickling away. Mixing with rainbow gasoline and street filth. Sometimes, shit just happens. Sometimes, it comes in the form of a black SUV hitting you right where it hurts. All over your body, basically.

I was told that angels wore white and carried harps. I see none of that. I 3 people. White, red and black. Oh and here comes another one, in robes of pale green. He says it’s time. Time to be better.

Should I cross this street and go inside?

His Ashes.

•December 11, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Oh, maybe it is not right to be thinking of such things. Some people might think you’re insane and put you in an asylum somewhere. A place where Ill never be able to see you again or find you. So stop right now. Stop.

What am I afraid of?


But I don’t like showing it. Yes, I am afraid of you. No, I will not run away. Why? I don’t know. Should there be a reason for everything? If that is the case then there’s a reason why we’re both here. If I try and think about it, I will drive myself insane. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. The world is crazy enough as it is.

Let there be no need for explanations. Leave things the way they are.

Yes, that’s better.

I hear music in everything, did you know that? No? I figured that I might have told you about it before. But it is true. I hear it in everything. Whenever you move your hands, when you smile, whenever the car windows go up and down there’s music. I hear it right now. I hear drums when you blink. Go on, blink.

Didn’t you hear it? Thump—thump—thump— so lovely the way it sounds.

Maybe we should stop here for a while. See that house over there? Maybe we should ask them for a drink. Something warm would be nice. Come on, the lights are on. There are people there. Surely. Cold? No, its not cold. Here, I’ll hold you close. Better?

That was a nice cup of coffee, was it not? Coffee in the middle of nowhere made by a stranger with the kindest of hearts. I don’t suppose there is anything better in the world. Okay, there are a great number of better things. You really enjoy bursting my bubble. I kind of hate you for that.

We’re almost there.

If I do this, will I ever see you again? Yes? Are you sure? Im sure you’re lying to me but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I made a promise and its one that I would keep. I know, Ive broken plenty. So I owe you. Is this what you really want? Okay. The drive back home would be pretty lonely without anyone to talk to.

Will you promise me something? Yes, just one thing. Wait for me?