The Night is Liquid

Darkness growing slowly, chasing my every step. The pavement’s wet and covered with car grease. I smell gasoline. It’s 09:15pm. The motel is 2 more blocks from here, I walk steadily clutching the brown paper to my chest. People, cars, people and cars. Sometimes I forget that they are even here. Sometimes, the world forgets that I am here.

Sometimes, I do as well.

It’s the vodka they tell me. It’s the drugs, the pills that you sleep with. It’s you and that filthy old motel room. A giant blackhole right in the middle of this damned city. It pulls you right in and you see nothing but the darkness after that. But it has been home for the past year. Home because no one ever bothered to take me someplace else. Home because, there is nowhere else.

There it is now. All decrepit and peeling paint. Green light shining out into the street. Color of the underworld, a deathly and cold green. Now, there comes a point in time when decisions must be made quickly. To cut or not to cut? To hang? To jump? Think fast because once it’s done, that’s it. No turning back.

Should I cross this street and go inside?

They say that when you’re about to die, you see your entire life flash before your eyes or some shit like that. But I’ve never had much of a life. Seventeen and all I’ve been, all I’ve ever seen are in this very street. Maybe that’s all there is. Beyond it, a great nothingness that has nothing in store for me. A black, liquid of everlasting night. It will swallow you whole.

But I’m not dead yet. I see no flashing memories before me. I am, perhaps, dying. Blood slowly trickling away. Mixing with rainbow gasoline and street filth. Sometimes, shit just happens. Sometimes, it comes in the form of a black SUV hitting you right where it hurts. All over your body, basically.

I was told that angels wore white and carried harps. I see none of that. I 3 people. White, red and black. Oh and here comes another one, in robes of pale green. He says it’s time. Time to be better.

Should I cross this street and go inside?

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~ by melianquolie on November 23, 2011.

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